i am old enough to be skeptical of 

God and young

enough to be hopeful

of God’s character not

Her existence

which is to say i believe

that it doesn’t matter

i’m too busy being angry at God 

to think about where They live 

there is so much suffering 

and the teachers of His words hurt me so much

(by demanding i cut off my messy deviance

leaving only 3 bones and an organ piled on the ground

and how the fuck could She let that happen

these were Their rabbi’s, teachers, devoted servants

and i was crying in a dorm room trying to scoop out my tender 

queerness with the rough edge of a shovel

and burn myself to the ground)

who has time to wonder about the limits of Zir job 

some people write libraries about your omnipresence

but where were You when they handed me the match

Rana Bickel (she/they) is a queer Jewish poet from Maryland residing in Chicago. She is a recent graduate of Barnard College where she was a member of the slam poetry team. Their work has appeared or is forthcoming in Bourgeon Magazine, Thimble Literary Magazine, and the Jewish Literary Journal. She loves books, community, and rainstorms.