Meet the Instagram Model Who Throws Out Her Leftovers

Meet the Woman Who's Ruining Your Life

Meet the Birthday Monster 

Meet the Goodnight Ghoul

Meet Bugs Bunny

Meet Voldemort

Can you sleep without alarms?

Can you go to the beach without crying, without sharks?

Can you go to your room and come out again later

In a clean, snotless shirt?

You are a runny heap.

You are pretty.

You will not be alone.

You will never be alone.

You are open like a door.

You are open like a dog getting a cesarean.

You are a baby's fist, closing around the little plastic piece 

Which has fallen and will fall again,

The little plastic piece whose color (special green) and smell 

(Wood, soy sauce, computer)

You will bury at the center of your wanting, and come up cranky.

You pay for shoulder pads.

You pay for Bugs Bunny in a prairie skirt and bratty, peek-a-boo curls.

You pay to be teased, tossed, tipped over, blown up, thwarted.

You pay to meet the dental hygienist plotting your doom.

You pay for plots against you, 

An end to accident,

A terrible accident,

A hundred dolphins dead,

A hundred popped balloons,

And I can't blame you--

My girlfriend is Bugs Bunny for free

So I never have to win.