1.

We play make believe. A type of jam: Lingonberries. Ballpens in Ikea. Bacteria lost in the vortex. She’s a reckless god of tiny things. Or, so I say. Small pockets. Jellyfish. Pale pink nails. Cutaneous respiration (nothing cute about it). Much like a Rubix cube. The girl, I mean. I fidget with my hands. I worry about my skin, my teeth, my stance, the stains between, my shoulders, and my sweat. 

You would tell me, yes? If I was the villain in some hero’s quest?

2.

I don’t typically call remorse. I like guilt. He looks tougher. I can pick a fight, call a spade. Restricted numbers call me every day and so I like to think I’m haunted or it's fate or something fiercer riding back to even ancient scores. I imagine this deep voice, thick with all the wrong I've done. My shame bubbles forth to abort the lie. I am a frothy mess, correct. My mouth is wet with curdled vows. One time, I fell in love and froze in place. One time, I fell in love and ran away and thought myself a god. If I could live forever, I would be the god of broken promises. Boys with shaky palms would bury coins beneath my fountain. The chosen ones are granted lies which stick. I'd wait before the end of each horizon and then vanish, hot and wet. An oasis for ghosts.

3.

All my heroes are now ghosts. Or demons. I still play their albums. I still watch their reruns. It stings like birthday licks from homies you once asked to spot you five. Homies you would ride along with in the whip. Years later, at the cookout, at the store, on the news, and you are all who’s left to see them. Trapped. Loud. Beaten. So much noise. A type of jam.

Mandla “Kosi” Dunn is a queer Black writer and educator from Maryland. He earned a B.A. in Transmedia Storytelling at the University of Maryland - College Park, a major he designed through the Individual Studies program. He is currently studying Media Management at the New School. Kosi has facilitated creative writing and digital media workshops in the Greater Washington area for organizations like the Hirshhorn Museum & Sculpture Garden, the Kennedy Center, Words Beats & Life, and Split This Rock. He likes cherry Blow Pops and Dungeons & Dragons.