I don’t watch TV, avocado tea.

Found a dog running through the woods. He stopped for a quick pet, then continued to chase his imagination. The dog’s owner walked by shortly after. He did not stop for a quick pet.

My dog eats whatever is given to her and is grateful for that. Sometimes I cook her something nice to show my appreciation. My nephew refuses to eat anything other than mac and cheese. I told him, “All that sodium is going to kill you, maybe eat some healthier food.” His mother yelled at me for being insensitive.

I have nice conversations with my dog. She understands how I’m feeling. I told my parents I was sad, they said “Well maybe you should get a better paying job.”

I made my nephew cry because I beat him in chess. I said, “Practice, you’ll get better.” His mother told me to take it easy on him when we play. “What am I supposed to do? Let him win?” She responded, “Yes.” So I let him win. He turned around and made fun of me for losing to a child. I asked his mother, “Can you tell your son to take it easier on me?” She responded, “No.”

I take my dog outside to go to the bathroom. Then I take her shit home. I stay inside to go to the bathroom. Then my owner takes my shit home.

Golf is the activity of hitting a tiny ball through space and time with a blunt object and into a matching sized hole.

I’m a potato.

Then one day TV commercials seem ok.