Cowboy

Thinking about going back to therapy 

Proposed to my girlfriend and started listening to Pink Pony Club. 

30 years in and my body is still ripped with contradictions. 

Part of me wants to be a father

Part of me wants to join a circus and crack a whip on fire 

Part of me wishes I was a 69 year old drag queen ripping cigarettes. 

Every week I ask her if we can quit our jobs and become carnies 

And every week I ask if we can name our kids after Rocky. 

But I know Apollo wouldn’t be able to tame a lion 

And Creed would be shit on the unicycle. 

I watched Jinkx Monsoon sing “Suddenly Seymour” on YouTube 10 times in a row the other day. 

I’m sick of driving 15 miles to work each morning while you’re at home. 

I’d much rather travel cross country side by side eating funnel cake and antacids. 

But we can’t start a family on the road

Not one our parents would be proud of anyways. 

Chris said it best 

“When my parents die I’m becoming a drag queen” 

Once our kids graduate college I think I’ll learn how to death drop.

Heavy Steps

When I was a kid I used to stomp my feet

I felt that it made me sound more grown up

Because adults clomp down hallways like Clydesdales for Budweiser

It was never a problem until I went Christmas caroling at the local hospital

I was told my stomp clomping was loud enough to wake the dead.

This confirmed two of my theories.

One, that the old people in the beds were all dead

And two,

That I was God.