The Catholic told the TSA agent he was going to buy a car, and after some deliberation the agent let him through the line and into the gate section of the airport. The Catholic got a Starbucks and went to his gate and sat down and waited for his boarding to begin. He put his bag down between his legs, drank his coffee and scrolled through his phone. After checking the scores on ESPN he scrolled the Momentagram app. He usually liked to read novels while waiting but he had gotten to the airport late and been held up in security so there wasn’t much time to dive into a book before he boarded. He scrolled aimlessly, killing time. He scrolled past the page of an art center in the town he was flying out of and saw that the director, John Waters, had recently spoken there. He looked over the picture of John Waters and noticed his red shoes. ‘Hey, those are nice shoes,’ he thought. While he was looking at the picture a bustle occurred on the edge of his consciousness, a noise or a movement way out on the fringe of his periphery. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed more quick movement, and then someone sat down in the row of chairs facing him. The Catholic was bent over with his elbows on his knees with his phone in his hands, still looking at the picture of John Waters and his cool, red, shoes and wondering when Waters had spoken at the art center. The movement stirred him from his phone and he briefly glanced up. He was still bent over so the first thing he saw was the person’s feet who had just sat down in front of him. Bright red shoes caught the Catholic’s eye. He looked up and saw John Waters sitting in front of him, reading a book. The Catholic looked back at his phone, and the picture from Momentagram was still showing John Waters, wearing the same red shoes. The Catholic looked back and forth between his phone and the real John Waters, not believing that it was real. They were wearing the same clothes and shoes. ‘Holy shit, that’s really John Waters. Those shoes are dope,’ thought the Catholic.

The Catholic’s mind raced. He was not usually starstruck and had run into many celebrities over the years. He didn’t get starstruck when he ran into George Clooney, or when he met Britney Spears at the height of her fame. All the musicians and actors he’d met over the years definitely didn’t intimidate him. He’d chatted with the Kings of Leon, Evan Dando, the Psychedelic Furs, Echo and the Bunnymen, Natalie Merchant, and had met Val Kilmer. He’d eaten dinner at a table next to Isabella Rossellini and Guy Maddin, and had eaten lunch at a table next to the band L7. When the Catholic was 15 and on acid he met Billy Corgan and he had met B-Real from Cypress Hill when he was 17 and on acid. The Catholic had run into Chappelle in Dave’s hometown, and ran into the guy from Kids in the Hall and News Radio at a bar in LA. He’d met a lot of pro athletes over the years. He had his picture taken with Nadia Comăneci, met Martina Navratilova, seen Lance Armstrong riding his bike in the mountains, and had even been elbowed by Charles Barkley on purpose at a Christmas party. He had not been intimidated by any of them, but when he thought of trying to talk to John Waters he balked. ‘Oh man, what would I say to him? I’m such a huge fan. Should I tell him I like his movies?’ thought the Catholic. ‘Everyone probably says they like his movies. I know, I can tell him I read his book. Yeah, that’s it! The one where he hitch-hiked crost the country. I can tell him I used to grow, too! Like the character in the book…no wait, maybe he’ll think I’m a criminal, or that I’m hitting on him. Man, I don’t know. I could tell him I loved Cry-Baby? I’m sure everyone says that. Hm…Oh, I’ll tell him I’ve been to the festival in the park he emcees! Yeah, that’s it. I’ll say how great of a showman he is, and the year with Iggy Pop was amazing. Then maybe we’ll talk about Iggy and that can lead to Cry-Baby. Or maybe we could talk about our mutual love of Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, and David Bowie. I’m sure John Waters loves those guys too. I won’t bring up Johnny Depp tho, that’s too on the nose. I mean, I love old Johnny Depp, but he may think I’m trying to steer the conversation there. So maybe I shouldn’t bring up Cry-Baby after we talk about Iggy Pop. Shit, man, I don’t know…Wait, I’ll just tell him I love his shoes! Yeah, keep it out of pop and celebrity culture. Those shoes are rad. But not now, I need to chill out, I’ll tell him when we’re on the plane. He must be flying back to the City too, he’s sitting in the same gate as me. I heard he has a place there so it makes sense. I always have an aisle seat on the plane. Yeah, either I’ll board first and when he walks by I’ll tell him I love his shoes, or if he gets on the plane first I’ll walk by him and tell him I love his shoes. Either way is a win, and it won’t seem like I’m trying to think of something clever. Yeah, it’ll be more natural that way, just like, oh hey John Waters, huge fan, love the shoes. That’s it.’

The airline employee called from the gate to board the plane. The Catholic got in line and walked past John Waters and went over his plan again. He walked down the gangway and sat in his aisle seat and waited for John Waters to board. And waited. The flight attendants closed the cabin door and the plane started to taxi towards the runway. John Waters didn’t get on the plane. The Catholic had missed his chance.

‘Damnit,’ thought the Catholic. ‘Those shoes were so cool tho.’