CW: (reclaimed) abelist slurs

she’s not psycho, but she is 

               psychotic, schizophrenic, 

                     she plays loose

           with reality, loose 

   with the infinite sky, she’s loose among

the rocky shores of Friday Harbor, 

where she looks in joy for whales, where 

       black water crashes on black rock, receding

like she does into herself: she says 

look at me, my brain’s eating itself, 

I’m half dead to me, & I haven’t sung a word, 

& god, like time, is a lie, 

             like love, I guess

    I’m just a half lit lantern looking

for the absolute self: you have to cough up 

                       something good 

           once in a while, look at me: no

fuck this, fuck that: I’m asking you

to look at me.

Evelynn Black is a trans writer from Seattle. She received her MFA from Cornell University. Her work has appeared in Empty Mirror, The Seattle Review, Peculiars Magazine, and other publications.