Mr. Nobody is sitting across from me. Watching me watch the wall. Mr. Nobody is always nowhere until he is not. Until he is sitting right where you wish he wasn’t. Mr. Nobody is popping his bubble gum made up of lint, and picking his nails in a way that leads me to believe he will pick too much of the nail off.

And Mr. Nobody does, because Mr. Nobody does not know where to stop.

I have band-aids but I am not getting up because I am busy writing something prolific on this very blank page that has been very blank for a very long time. I know Mr. Nobody knows this.

I open my mouth to tell him that I’m not going to get a bandaid because I don't owe anything to anyone especially a Mr. Nobody, but my words fall back down my throat and I can't reach them.

Mr. Nobody pulls a bandaid off of his tongue and applies it to the fingernail. By the time the bandaid wraps around the finger it disappears. Mr. Nobody feels his tongue for another band-aid and there isn’t one., so he pulls out a purple foam sword and cuts off the finger.

I have a fear of swords and loose fingers. I go to scream but sneeze instead. When I open my eyes another finger has grown back in its place. 

Mr. Nobody holds up the severed finger and examines it. He unrolls it. It is a tiny scroll of paper. Mr. Nobody reads it carefully and begins to move quickly. Mr. Nobody never moves quickly. He takes a stamp from his tongue and a tiny mailbox from behind his ear and shoves the letter inside. Mr.  Nobody points the mailbox towards me and on the front it says:

“To You”

Mr. Nobody hurries out of the room and across the hall; I am hearing the toilet flush, and I know he has taken the quickest exit out.  

I grab the mailbox and uncrumple the paper. 

In teeny-tiny font it says:

“Starting now is a party thrown by everyone you have ever loved including all of the people who didn’t love you back, and you are NOT invited!:-)”

And at the bottom, in purple crayon:

“As you can see in the sentiment above, this isn’t particularly for you, but I had an extra and I thought you could perhaps put it in a scrapbook, or flush it down the toilet.

xoxo,

Mr. Nobody”

….

I check my phone,

I check at the wall,

I check the blank page,

I swallow the letter,

I’m swallowing the mailbox.